Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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