TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
