AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
