She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
