Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
