My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
