You can't special order awesome
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
