I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
