i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
