I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
