I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
