I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize