There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
