Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize