I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
