My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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