if you like me you must not know who I am
That's intense
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
