You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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