I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
