You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
