I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
