He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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