Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just threw up on my dentist
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
