my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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