Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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