farters have to be the big spoon...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
