im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
