My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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