Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
