I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
