drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
