if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
