Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
