Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
