P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
