We won't sleep together?
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
