Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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