I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize