Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
