I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
