Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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