If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
