I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
