my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
