i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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