He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
