I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
