Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
