somebody snuck up and got me drunk
People in love make me want to vomit
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
