My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
