Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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