I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
