It's like God shit irony all over that family
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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