At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
