I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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