the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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