Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
