Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize