Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
