the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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