We won't sleep together?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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