I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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