apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
