i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
